Revaluation

Who you are as a person is perhaps one of the most important questions someone can ask themselves. It gives rise and birth to so many, if not everything else that defines you. From how you cary yourself in the streets, to how you present yourself to strangers met for the first time. To what your goals and dreams are, and where the winds of life may cary you. It gives direction to how your life is going to unfold.

Now these things may seem obvious, but when was the last time you really examined these aspects of your existence?

I find (and this may just be me) that sometimes we float through life on ideas and dreams built by others. Which to me is an utmost betrayal of oneself and their identity. I know that even I have fallen victim to this crime. Although take it in stride. Learn from it. For when we get the chance to examine, and look in at oneself, it is a gift.

We get to reset and adjust goals. Hell, maybe even completely make new ones. For we do change over time and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Change is scary yes, but more often than not change paves the way for forward progress. It sheds light on the areas in our life that were shrouded in darkness at one point or another.

For myself I’ve recently had to ask myself this question. Who am I and what am I doing? And it was a little scary, I’m not going to lie. I seemed to have fallen into this weird sort of stasis with my writing and my confidence in myself as a person. Plans and goals that I had set at the beginning of last year were not panning out or ending all together, and after so long it took a toll on my moral and bravery. These defeats slowly turned into fear of moving forward, and with that fear came doubt. Doubt in just about all aspect of my life.

Which for me was a weird sort of feeling. As I’ve always taken pride in the knowledge of the direction I was heading and who I was. And suddenly those things were compromised.

Sure I was still happy and having fun every day. But what these things created was this little feeling that was always present at the back of my mind. An anxious sort of uneasiness, where I was double guessing myself more and more, and becoming afraid to try things.

So as I said a period of self reflection and figuring out what was what was needed. Some of the same goals and fuels for my flame just weren’t working anymore, and I took that as a sign of weakness and failure on my part. Which wasn’t the case at all. I just didn’t realize that sometimes things change over time, and not all of the same things work forever.

My life was changing and evolving, and who I was changed with it. However I failed to recognize that for a while. This is why I challenge you to know who you are, and to constantly be asking this question. Challenging yourself and never growing to comfortable and lazy in where you are.

To know and question what drives you, and then to figure out where those drives and passions are leading. Give them a direction that is suitable. A direction that is built off of who you are. What makes you happy. Built off of what your want, and not others. Which is usually easier said then done. As what others think and want for us sometimes gets engrained within without our intention, consent, or knowledge.

Don’t be mistaken though. I’m not saying ignore everyone else, and take no ones advice. Because others sometimes see things that we don’t. Things that can help us discover what we want, and that can help us build a wiser and more direct path to those goals.

What I’m trying to say is don’t compromise your core values for others opinions of yourself. For at the end of the day they’ll still believe in you and support you if they really love you. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds.

After this most recent and helpful of reflections I’ve arrived at my conclusion finally. Although it may not be permanent forever it’s working for now.  I’ve figured out who Jeremy is again.

I’m a writer.

A dreamer.

A lover.

A guy that loves a good adventure and to sometimes stumble down the harder of the two roads. But hey I keep my feet under me.

A scholar, hunger for new knowledge everyday.

Sometimes a hedonist, but at others a conservative.

A sensitive soul, which allows for more of the world to be absorbed through my eyes. As I’ve said before “I’d rather feel all through love, than not at all.” And now I can add to that. I want to feel heartbreak and triumph. Fear and victory. All the emotions and experiences from all spectrums of life, for they add and teach perspective and lessons that we may not have been looking for. But if you’re not willing to be open to things, even the things that make you uncomfortable, then there is no hope in finding them.

I’m confident again, hopeful, and ready to keep moving forward. I’m happy to have pulled myself out of this weird stasis and to have direction again. I just hope that if and when this does happen again that I’ll be more ready for it. More prepared and able to take action from the lessons that I’ve learned from this time around.

Hoo Ha.

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